life is more than a dress rehearsal

I understand where he’s coming from, my dad.  His job has been to provide for me and train me in the ways of self-preservation.  Not cheap psychological coping mechanisms, but the preservation of my body, soul, and spirit by the earning of money and applying of money to material needs.  Seeing his brilliant, confusing liberal arts daughter (he’s an engineer), move back into his generous home after earning a degree at a top university must have been a bit of a shock.

Don’t get me wrong: he likes having me home.  I order Chinese for everyone on Friday nights.  But apart from the pleasure of my company, I’m sure he’s a little nervous to see me coming and going through his back door still.  He’s taken to asking: “What jobs have you applied for lately?”

We won’t mention that I currently hold two “part-time” jobs that require full-time hours (i.e. I’m in management in both).

But today I applied for a job, one that I hope I will get and be glad to have gotten.  I’d like to be an editor one day (I tell myself in my moments of grandeur).  A connection I wisely cultivated sent me the call for applications she’d received from her lofty position as a paid filmmaker.  I have this habit of signing onto my email account five minutes after she sends these types of emails, leaving me wondering if the great Cosmos and His sidekick have made a delicious pass at my faith.  I submitted my new resume before the next (fateful) five minutes had passed.

how my heart hangs in the balance

The climax of this rising action remains to be seen, but be assured, dear reader, you shall know all in due time.